I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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