I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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