New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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