A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
