if you like me you must not know who I am
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
