i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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