I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
