We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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