I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
