We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
