i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
