YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
