Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
