That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
