dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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