i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
