You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
