I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
