he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
