oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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