she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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