we have officially lost it.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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