we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
