A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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