ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
