Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
