Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
