Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
