The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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