I want to have your abortion
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
