You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
COCAINE IS GR8
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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