Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
