Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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