Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
