No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
