why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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