the day after is always just damage control
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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