I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
