I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
