Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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