I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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