I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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