Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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