So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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