So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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