at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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