i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
