I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
