pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
