Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
