I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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