I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
